Spitzer And The
Sex and politics have always been bedfellows. Now we’re being given a glimpse into the bedroom that hosted the ex-governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, and a high-priced call girl, and some of our questions about why a girl from a well-off family entered the world’s oldest profession are getting answered. Is she a good girl or a bad girl and what can we learn from her story?
Our usual picture of a prostitute is one working the streets, a woman who has undoubtedly been physically and/or sexually abused. The statistics about “working girls” verifies their early childhood difficulties, followed by addictions and more abusive relationships with their johns, pimps, and boyfriends. We don’t often think about the other end of the scale – the penthouse call girls, the “escorts.” The ones who charge thousands of dollars an hour and are available to the wealthy elite only by appointment.
Ashley Dupré, known as Kristen when she worked for Emperors Club VIP escort service and entertained “Client 9,” has been all over the media. Now that it looks like she won’t be prosecuted, she feels freer to speak out. She is likely motivated as much by the desire to be seen as a “good” girl as by the desire for fame and fortune.
In an interview with Diane Sawyer on “20/20,” and in articles in magazines like People, Ashley’s story was revealed. When she was three years old, her parents divorced; her mother remarried when Ashley was seven. She always talked about how much she missed her dad. From my perspective, her parents’ divorce and her father leaving was her initial wound of being betrayed by a male figure in her life. She continued to seek out men who mirrored that original betrayal, whether boyfriends or clients.
The next abandonment happened when she was 12. Her 17-year-old brother ran away, which devastated her, and he got busted for dealing drugs. After that, her parents were really strict with her, so she became a rebellious Jersey girl, out to “have fun.”
When she became a high school dropout in her junior year, her biological father (who she had briefly moved in with) kicked her out of the house – abandonment number three. She dove into the world of cocaine, ecstasy, pot, and vodka – on a daily basis. She stumbled into a nude shoot for Girls Gone Wild. Somewhere along the line, she was raped – betrayal of yet another kind by a male. She never went to the authorities, believing it was her fault.
Working as a cocktail waitress in New York – while she was trying to pursue a career in music – a man handed her a card for an escort service. A few weeks later she called the number on the card, and that night she went on her first assignment. She didn’t mind the work. In fact, Ashley didn’t see much difference between going on a date with a guy in New York, having him pay for dinner and demand sex in return, and what she did as an escort. Except now she could emotionally disconnect. She knew her purpose; there was no doubt about what the guy expected. “It was easy,” she said to Sawyer. “I felt nothing.” Feeling “nothing” is what Ashley had wanted for a very long time, and this new line of work encouraged that very dynamic.
Ashley also drew a distinction in her mind between the work of an escort and that of a prostitute: prostitution is only about sex, whereas escorts often spend more than half their time with a client talking. When Sawyer asked if she had a “Pretty Woman” fantasy of being swept off her feet by a client, Ashley was clear about having no illusions; it was a formal business transaction, nothing more.
During their interview, Diane Sawyer seemed to be stuck in an old 50’s mentality; she kept questioning Ashley about how she could have possibly made such a choice, in a way that did not hide her disapproval. She didn’t seem to understand that Ashley had obviously done some deep soul searching and recognized the issues she’s been acting out since her teens. Any time you hear someone say that they realized there wasn’t really any difference between the sex they used as payment for a dinner date and a more forthright sale of their body, they’ve come a long way to understanding themselves.
What could Ashley (us too!) do to clear out her old destructive patterns so she doesn’t wind up with another man who betrays or abandons her? She’s been clean – off drugs and alcohol – for two years now, has done intensive psychotherapy, and she’s living with her mom and step-dad in the bedroom she left at age 17. The therapy has put her well on the way to healing the original wound. As a health & wellness educator, I’d suggest journaling; it would help her get even more in touch with her feelings (maybe lead to a book deal?). Writing our story can help us see the truths we have hidden from ourselves. It would also be good to put her youthful energy to constructive use in a physical format – perhaps more singing as a means of expression.
And what about Spitzer? Ashley didn’t know he was governor of New York when they had their rendezvous. When she saw him on television, with his wife standing by his side, she felt no connection to him. “I felt connected to her… I saw the pain in her face.” She didn’t feel responsible. If it hadn’t been her, it would have been someone else. The governor had been the one to make the decision. I was very impressed that Ashley was able to connect to his wife’s pain – another example of her increasing consciousness.
When she met with Spitzer, Ashley had only gone back to the escort service a month previously. Before that, she had quit the business while she was in a relationship with a man she loved, only to find out he was married with children. They had leased an apartment together, and he paid her way. Then he dumped her – abandoned yet again – with all the bills for the $3600/month apartment, medical expenses, and credit card debt. She felt she had no choice but to re-enter her old life.
And now? Ashley has turned down some very lucrative offers, like a million dollars to pose nude for Hustler or a potential reality show. She has been quite firm in refusing more forays into notoriety, or possibly she was simply waiting to make sure she wouldn’t be prosecuted. Now that the escort service has pled guilty and the authorities have announced that they won’t pursue Spitzer, she is freer to pursue her life. She wants a singing career. She is firm in her commitment never to return to the world of escorts.
Despite her history of men who have abandoned or betrayed her, Ashley, like most 23-year-olds, wants to marry some day. She seems to be on track – doing the work that’s necessary to clear out the old emotional wounds. She’s looking for someone who “will think that all my imperfections make me perfect… someone, when I fall, they’ll be right there, telling me to get back up, it’s going to be okay. I want a best friend.”
(Originally published at Article Dashboard and reprinted with permission from the author, Deborah King).
December 18 2009 03:41 pm | Hot post
